I’ve been pretty bored this summer, because my friends all
have jobs (and now I do, too! But more about that later), and a bunch of them
also have children (so they want to hang out up to 7:30 p.m.) and a few of them
have vacation money (so they’re gone) and so it leaves me with a lot of time to
myself. I shouldn’t say that. I’m not really by myself, because my family is
usually home. But after they go to bed around 8:15 p.m., I’m by myself. And
there’s only so much Frasier you can
watch on Netflix (263 episodes—seen all of them 5 or 6 times, so NO there is
never so much Frasier, it would
appear) or stats homework you can do in advance. (More on stats later, too. Actually,
here’s all you need to know about stats: it’s terrible and I suck at it.)
So, I’ve thought a lot of thoughts. And most of them aren’t
too useful. But some of my more frequent thoughts have to do with ideas for
sequels to movies. I’d like to share some with you now.
1. Father of
the Bride III: Who’s Baby is This? Okay, so remember how at the end of Father of the Bride II, Steve Martin and
Diane Keaton have a baby (miraculously, it would seem, since they were both in
their 50’s at the time) on the same night that their daughter has a baby? And
then the daughter moves to another city? What if they accidentally switched
babies? Okay, so I know that one was a boy, and one was a girl, but it would
easily take a few hours to figure that out and lots of good movies happen in
3-hour time frames. It could combine the hijinks of Planes, Trains, and Automobiles with the hilarity of Look Who’s Talking. Granted, Look Who’s Talking blew (if I recall
correctly, and I think I do), but this could be that extra element that makes
it pop. And I don’t think I’d let the babies talk, because that’s creepy. I
essentially want the feeling of Father of
the Bride sandwiched into the plotline of Planes, Trains and Automobiles or basically any other road movie.
Right?
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| Steve Martin in a new, hilarious comedy? |
2. Seventeen
Candles. Okay, so now it’s a few minutes after Sam blows out the candles on
her birthday cake and she and Jake Ryan have kissed. Then what? I’d really like
to see them go to high school the next day and navigate the shit storm that is
guaranteed to ensue when people find out Jake Ryan and Samantha Baker are dating.
What? Okay and then, about 3 months later, he’ll go off to trade school and
they’ll break up and she’ll be just another loser teen again. Unless she
somehow manages to maintain some clout for having once dated a senior that no
longer attends John Hughes High. (Hmmmm…this is mostly a curiosity of mine
because I’m so super obsessed with 80’s movies and John Hughes’ movies in
particular.)
3. Harry
Potter: The Sorcerer’s Stoned. What if, like 20 years later, Harry Potter
and Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger’s kids all turned up at Hogwarts and
were total douche-bag stoners? I love that idea. You know how good behavior
always skips a generation? So instead of trying to ward of the great evils of
the world, they were just learning spells to keep them out of getting suspended
for smoking weed and having sex? It’s a thought. Not a brilliant one, but a
thought.
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| The child of Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger. Hogwarts Class of 2030. |
4. Greasier.
And wouldn’t it be interesting if, in
Grease, Rizzo really was pregnant with Kenickie’s baby? And then, after
Sandy and Danny FLEW AWAY in what one can only guess was Kenickie’s car (untied
plot line, for sure; if I were Kenickie, I’d be pissed.), they had to move in
together and raise a family just like Ricky and Lucy Ricardo? Rizzo learning
how to cook. Kenickie learning how to do anything. At all. Both of them singing
about it until they got to their late 20’s, grew ugly and fat and just didn’t
give a shit anymore. Okay, now I feel sad…
I have other ideas. I always thought West Side Story should end with Maria committing suicide. It was
based on Romeo and Juliet, so let’s keep it Shakespeare. And I was always confused
about the ending of Annie. Did Daddy
Warbucks adopt all the orphans, or just invite them over for that big party?
Their lives after the fact were sure to be a big let-down. As was Miss
Hannigan’s, despite her elephant ride and flirtation with Punjab. So maybe
there could be a continuing story of Miss Hannigan?
Most of the reason I wrote all of the above had to do with
my general malaise and/or boredom over the last few weeks. Please don’t judge
too harshly…I know it’s all crap. I have a job now, so maybe I can start
writing about that soon. I can tell you about how I faced my ultimate nemesis
(not a Shider, it would appear, SHOCKINGLY) and came out the other side. Or about what it
means to live with your parents when you’re 30. There’s a whole lot of things I
could share, but I have trouble finding writing spaces here in Omaha. A lame
excuse, I know. BUT…
2. I have run for 34 minutes in a row.
AND
3. I have killed several terrifying insects, including several silverfish and the newly famous (to me) Nebraska Red Spider, which is HORRIFYING. (I made my dad clean them up post-smashing. Baby steps.)
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| Not sure if this heinous picture does this spider justice. It's terrible. And terrifying. |
I will write about the job in the next few days, if I can
manage to find a tidy corner.
Sweet dreams.
*Donnie Wahlberg. Of New Kids on the Block fame. Clearly, the man knows of which he speaks.
