"I'm so tired, I haven't slept a wink. I'm so tired, my mind is on the blink. I wonder should I get up and fix myself a drink."*

   Today marks the birthday of my boyfriend John Lennon. We’ve been conducting an extremely long-term relationship that began when I was in 7^th grade and which exists solely in my head. And yet, it’s the best relationship I’ve ever been in because he never does anything to annoy me and he retains his good looks well past middle age because sadly…he’s dead. Which is why we’ll never lose the thrill of our first years together, even though I now wear real glasses and not the fake ones that I wore throughout junior high so I could be more like him. (It just occurred to me that in 10 years, he and I will be the same age! Creepy. And perversely romantic. It’s so Cathy and Heathcliff.)

   Anywho, happy birthday, John! And here’s a picture I drew of him in college. As you can tell from this drawing, I did NOT study art. But that didn’t stop me from drawing pictures and then showing them to everyone and pretending to think they were bad so that people were forced to compliment me. (I majored in confidence and passive aggression.)

Scanning this makes it look even worse.

   And here is a picture I drew last night. I don't think this is supposed to be possible, but I've become WORSE at art, despite my nonstop practicing. I was going for outlier status, but this is just sad. (Also, for the record, I embellished my figure ever-so-slightly. Artistic license.)

*John Lennon's "I'm So Tired." He thought a lot the same way I do.