Showing posts with label Troop Beverly Hills. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Troop Beverly Hills. Show all posts

Thursday, November 28, 2013

"Eat that turkey all night long, 50 million Elvis fans can't be wrong. Turkey lurkey doo and turkey lurkey dap, I eat that turkey then I take a nap."*



   Happy Thanksgiving!

   Oh wow. It’s been so long since I’ve blogged.

   I’m sorry.

   I wanted to write tonight because it’s my favorite holiday! But also because I’d like to ease back in to the blogosphere without drawing too much attention to the fact that I’ve been totally AWOL for a month. Only my loyal reader will know this (thanks, Mom), but I still feel like an apology’s an order. I’m sorry.

   I turns out graduate school is hard, which is funny, because I always thought graduate school was for people who didn’t feel quite ready for the real world. But, oddly, graduate school is much harder than the real world in many ways. One of the ways it’s harder is that you have to work in groups a lot (at least, with advertising projects you do) and I’ve never been great at playing well with others. So that’s hard. Also, you’re only in school for about 6-8 hours a week, but when you’re not in school you’re working on school for about 35-60 hours a week. So that’s a little bit hard, too.

   I’m in no position to tell you one particular story today but I will tell you what I’m thankful for and a few things that have been on my mind over the last month, and hopefully in the next couple of weeks I’ll be a better blogger (if not a better friend, student, or person).

1.  I think Stephen King based Misery on Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? I’ve been thinking about this since Halloween, when Momma and I watched it. I don’t think I have to spell this out for you but consider this: a once-famous person is now wheelchair bound and at the mercy of a crazed psychopath who tortures her but also really wants her love and approval. Also, she is fed weird things and often starved. Hmmm…

2.  Along those same lines, I recently picked up a copy of Jackie Collins’ Hollywood Wives at the local Goodwill. I didn’t know it was erotica, and I’m not entirely sure Jackie thinks of her “novels” that way, but good lord there was a lot of sex in that book. But I read it all, of course. But while I was reading it I started thinking that Claire’s mother in Troop Beverly Hills was supposed to be Jackie Collins. Remember that part when they’re sitting in her fancy sports car and her mom says into her tape recorder, “He saw her underthings and then…” she turns to Claire and says, “Then what?” And Claire says “Felt his manhood rising to a frenzy?” And then the mom says, “And felt his manhood rising to a pulsating frenzy.” And then she’s super proud of her daughter? I think she’s supposed to be based on Jackie Collins! Wow, that was a long story for no reason.

3.  I think the word “cute” is really condescending unless you happen to be a small child or a rabbit or other tiny animal. When I show someone a piece of art or something I wrote and they call it “cute” I feel like they’re telling me “That is so wonderful for someone under the age of 7. Good job, Lace!” It’s basically a slap in the face. On the other hand, it’s totally okay when used to describe an outfit. Hmmm…weird.

   Okay, well there’s lots more on my mind, but this seems like a good place to leave things off. I just took some of this:




   So hopefully my night will be turning back in my favor in the next couple of hours. I hope you all had a great November and a wonderful Thanksgiving and I will be back on board with this blog over the next couple of weeks.
   I'm thankful for Central Heating, turkey, gloves, heartburn meds, and friends and family. And a country that builds a whole day around eating and being thankful. And wine. 

*Adam Sandler's "The Thanksgiving Song."


Sunday, March 3, 2013

"Living is a pretty grim joke, but a joke just the same."* OR "The universe may not always play fair, but at least it's got a hell of a sense of humor."**


   Over the weekend I thought of a really great idea for a sexy, smart, new sitcom for the younger set. It’s about four fun, plucky gals living in Los Angeles and dealing with dating and men and life and careers. But what makes my show different and relevant in today’s fast-paced world is that they’re also Scientologists.

   Okay, I’m just brainstorming here, but I feel like this is exciting. I’m guessing date nights for the gal pals and their men could include “acting workshops” at the Celebrity Center and couples' auditing sessions. The girls could drink cocktails and discuss who has achieved the highest Thetan level. For jobs, they could all belong to Sea Org and stress out over projects having to do with membership training and ecclesiastical development. They would simultaneously be working off their one billion dollar contracts with the Church, so that could also be a source of drama. But they wouldn’t have to worry about rent or food because that’s included with their jobs. So it wouldn’t be like that time on Sex and the City where Carrie worried about how to buy her apartment when it went co-op and Aiden moved out. Or like that time when Charlotte couldn’t find a paying job after her divorce from Trey. They’d always have jobs and a place to live. But, oh crap: Miranda couldn’t belong to Sea Org because you have to give up membership if you decide to have children. Oh well. She could still be a lawyer, then. Wait, this is a new show! None of them have to be the characters from Sex and the City. They can be whoever I want them to be.

   But…if we were to imagine that it was like Sex in the City, this is how the billboards would look:
That's the official Scientology logo up there. NOT easy to draw. But it looks really snazzy, so I'm glad I made the extra effort.

   The fact that they all have to wear naval-looking uniforms to work would really change things up a bit. They wouldn’t get to explore their fashionable sides quite as much. But I have visions of each of them tailoring their outfits to their individual tastes (I've made Samantha's very low-cut, for instance). Sort of like that part in Troop Beverly Hills when Phyllis makes her troop leader uniforms look elegant and fabulous. Or when Molly Ringwald destroys Annie Pott's beautiful prom dress to make it her own because she's a "fashion designer" in (Not So) Pretty in Pink.
   There's a lot you could do with this premise. I'm tired now so I can't write any more about it. But there's a small chance I'll tack some cool, hip ideas onto this post at a later point in time.
   'Night 'night.
*This first quote is L. Ron Hubbard.
**And the second is something Carrie says on Sex and the City.