Sunday, December 16, 2012

"How long do I have to stay here and hold her before I can get up and leave? Is 30 seconds enough? [...] See that's your problem. Somewhere between 30 seconds and all night is your problem."

   Attention, please: I may have found my perfect career! Check this out:

From this month's Marie Claire.

   Okay, come on: I would be so good at this job. I don't really like cuddling, but I LOVE sleeping, and if someone was paying money to cuddle with me, I could get behind (or in front of) it. And he or she could "stroke" my hair all he or she wanted. I truly enjoy the feeling of someone playing with my hair, as long as they aren't brushing it, because that hurts. I'm also really good at hugging, but the $125 fee per one-minute hug would make me even better at it, I bet you anything.

   Sometimes I think Japan is all fucked up, what with dudes marrying avatars and that whole karoshi thing where one quite literally works him- or herself to death; but then they go and figure out how to help a bunch of nerd-o gamers pay people for hugs. I want to be one of those people that gets paid. I actually can't think of a better day job, unless you happen to be an international travel writer/man of mystery...or the captain of a pirate ship.

   It occurs to me that maybe I wouldn't be a popular sell in Japan, what with being 5'7 and brunette. I think my height puts me on par with some of the tallest of Japanese men. And I heard that Asian men only want to cuddle with white women if they're blonde. But I could wear a wig or dye my hair. And presumably we'll be laying down, so I could easily look shorter. I'm willing to change! And maybe my height and hair color would make me seem exotic? These are all things to think about, but I don't have time right now because I'm super busy booking my flight to Tokyo.

   Yay! Career crisis solved. Happy Sunday!

*This quote is from When Harry Met Sally...(Rob Reiner, 1989), one of my all-time favorite movies written by the incredibly talented, late Nora Ephron. But what's funny (as in "odd" not "haha") here is that I always related more to Harry than Sally. I, too, find cuddling to be not only uncomfortable, but highly annoying. I think most women enjoy it. I don't. But, see, if I were getting paid, it'd be a totally different story.

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