Thursday, September 27, 2012

"She looks like Bigfoot Appalachain, Lil' Abner Barbie."*

   I’m fully invested in Project Runway Season 10, though I missed the first handful of episodes. It was the first time in years I wasn’t sitting around in my ‘jammies ready to go on day one, because…I don’t have cable anymore. I don’t not have cable because I’m a lofty, brainy type person (though I am), but because I am a poor, working-class type person.** I would love to have cable. The more channels the better. Leaving home wouldn’t even be an option, and I’d be really, truly entertained always. No friends required. And I could finally stop pretending to enjoy reading.
   ANYWAY, I couldn’t figure out how to watch it and people (I’m looking specifically at my new friend Brett) kept making me feel left out by discussing the new designers and Nina Garcia’s insults and eye rolling and Tim Gunn’s sweet, back-handed insults (that’s the thing of where you tell someone something’s wonderful because you don’t have the heart to say it’s awful). I knew nothing about anything this season, and it was killing me. So I bought all the episodes on Amazon, dedicated a full day to watching, and now I’m all caught up on the show, Tim Gunn, drama, fashion, and so on. 
   See, Project Runway is sort of a game: the outfits come down the runway and I pick the ones I like. And then I wait to see if the judges tell me I'm right. Something can be truly amazing and get utterly shit on, because they always have to have high scores and low scores. But when there aren't enough contestants left, they have to talk smack about good designs so the better ones seem even better. Make sense? Without Project Runway, I wouldn't know what to hate.
   And, since whatever I’m watching at the moment seems to inform almost all of my conversation topics and decision-making processes, I’ve been thinking a lot about clothing design. And, further inspired by an episode in which the designers had to make an outfit for a “Woman on the Go,” I drew a design for an outfit, too.
       This garment speaks for itself. (They always say "garment" on Project Runway. Never "outfit" or "ensemble" or "get up.")

Something you should (I play fast and loose with the term “should”) know about me is this: I really like drawing the bottom half of mermaids. I suck at drawing the top half because my people drawings are atrocious at best. But then I realized that maybe it had more to do with drawing perky, little mermaid boobies in shell bras than drawing people. I didn't grow up drawing boobies in my notebooks the way some people do. And I don’t want to contribute to the oversexed depiction of mermaids you see so much in the media these days. Some mermaids surely wear tank tops or t-shirts at least some of the time. And I’m sure some of them have jobs. So I drew an outfit for a business mermaid on the go. I think young girls should see more of that. You’re welcome, Society!
It occurred to me that it would be difficult for anyone other than a mermaid to model this costume, so I also have an idea for a runway that is basically a huge aquarium. The models swim down the runway. I’m sure Tim Gunn would look confused if I said that to him, but I can just picture Michael Kors stealing my idea for the fall collections this coming Spring. He loves swimwear. 

*Michael Kors waxing poetic about an outfit he didn't like on Project Runway
**How about that awkward double negative? I’ve stopped trying to impress anyone other than university admissions essay readers.

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