I thought that by the time I turned 30 I would have myself
all figured out. I’m pretty sure I’ve brought this up before: I was convinced
that 30 was the year when everything got settled.
So…yeah…that didn’t happen. And that’s okay.
Here’s something weird, though: a few days back, when I was
still in Omaha, my youngest sister, Penelope, said the following: “Lacey’s the
smart one; Lizzy’s the most fashionable; and I’m the nicest…?” I actually don’t
know how the statement ended because I was immediately offended by not being
considered the most fashionable (though I’m definitely not) and incredibly
proud of being considered the smartest (also a stretch). Penelope probably said
something to the effect of “the most ignored whilst handing out superlatives.”
Sorry, P. (And for the record, Penelope: you are the weirdest, quirkiest, kindest and
most original...among other traits.)
Before I left Omaha, Ouisa gave me a pair of GORGEOUS brown
leather, high-heeled boots that she said she could never wear because, at
five-foot-ten, she feels too tall for three-inch heels. She described it as
feeling like a “giraffe on roller skates.”
And then my Aunt Mel had me over for coffee and we spent a
good twenty minutes playing with a feature on a plastic surgeon’s website that
allows you to see how you’d look with a few less chins, a bigger rack and
Angelina Jolie’s lips. And Aunt Mel, despite being one of the most beautiful,
smart and confident women I know, copped to feeling like she spends most of her
day thinking about her meals and how much she’s exercised and if she should do
40 squats before bed to make up for the cream in her coffee.
So, okay, most of this is self-evident: women hate
themselves. Yes, yes, everyone knows that. But I really don’t want to spend my
life feeling like a fat, ugly cow when, in all actuality, I’ll probably be 87
some day (if I make it that long) and I’ll look back at pictures of myself now,
at 30, and think: damn, I was pretty hot!
So I’ve decided to make a conscious effort to quit hating
how I look, despite the fact that I’m not 5’10, I’m not the stylish one, and I
consistently appear to be 4-months-pregnant, despite the 9 million crunches I do every week. Life’s too short. And seeing how
beautiful the women around me are, who also think they’re heinous trolls, I have
an idea that I’m not as hideous as I think I am.
*From Rhoda, my soul sister on The Mary Tyler Moore Show,who always thought she was ugly but was truly beautiful all along...
*From Rhoda, my soul sister on The Mary Tyler Moore Show,who always thought she was ugly but was truly beautiful all along...
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