Showing posts with label exercise. Show all posts
Showing posts with label exercise. Show all posts

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

"All of us every single year, we're a different person. I don't think we're the same person all our lives."*


   It’s snowing again today. I think I’ve almost had my fill of the snow. It's very cold and slippery and in this particular case it's covering a layer of ice from a rainstorm two weeks ago. Every time I go outside, I pray that I won't break an ankle. Especially since my favorite boots are essentially made of plastic.
   I was, however, inspired enough to draw this picture for you to enjoy:
This is a sort of Russian Doll snow globe. 


   It’s a nod to the snow and has nothing to do with Christmas, which is LONG OVER. It’s over, Hy-Vee and KGOR and Whole Foods and A.B.’s, and Dundee Presbyterian, so stop with the damn Christmas music! I HATE IT! (Except for “Last Christmas,” which is awesome and I love.)
This is Dundee Presbyterian. Their bell tower plays music all day. I took this picture while walking home from Emily's parents' house. After taking this picture I slipped off the curb in my plastic boots and bit it on a short snowbank.

   Anyway, it’s the New Year (why does that have to be capitalized? Dumb.) and I have a few resolutions that I’d like to pass along to you. This is going to be my best year ever, especially if I can keep my resolutions going at least as far as February.

   Resolutions for 2013

1. Exercise every single day of the entire year. This will ensure that this year will finally be the year when I get in shape for once and for all. Maybe sometime around September or October, once I’ve gotten a decent exercise groove going, I’ll throw in a couple marathons or something. I want one of those 26.2 bumper stickers that everyone else has.

2. Stop sleeping for 12 hours every other night. I used to think that 12 hour sleep-a-thons made up for the nights when I logged about 5-6 hours (work nights, super productive nights, cleaning rampages), but truly I don’t think sleep is cumulative. At least not for me. So I’m going to attempt an average of 8-9 hours every night. Which leads me to…

3. Stop going to bed at 4 in the morning. That creates a ridiculous lack of sleep and the whole next day is essentially wasted because I’m too tired to function. Instead of having one day be super productive and the next day be completely unproductive, I’m going to aim to be sort of average every day of the year (hooray for average!). I feel like that’s how grown-ups do it.

4. Wash off make-up every single night. An easier solution would be to stop wearing make-up, but I look like a 67-year-old woman without make-up…and now that I think about it, it’s possible that my face is old and wrinkly because I don’t wash off my make-up. But I doubt it. I think it has more to do with years of smoking, mild-to-moderate sun exposure; too much smiling and heinous bad luck. But I’m sure the make-up I’m sleeping in isn’t helping, either.

5. Find a hobby. (This is probably self-explanatory.)

6. Make some new friends. (Embarrassing and sad but necessary. And it's always good to meet new people.)

That ought to be enough to keep me busy until February.

I am so glad it’s 2013! Not that 2012 was super bad, but it wasn’t the best and I hate numbers that end in two, so the whole year was somewhat destined to be stressful. 
*Steven Spielberg said this. 

Monday, January 2, 2012

"New Year's Day is every man's birthday."*



           Well, I hope you all managed to stay awake until midnight and ushered in the New Year with kissing and champagne and inexplicable noisemakers (where do they come from? Were they at the party the whole time? How come we’re just now using them when we’ve been drinking all night and clearly the temptation to make noise has been ever-present?).

            I was watching a marathon of The Big Bang Theory (please don’t judge me—it’s actually kind of awesome, despite being on CBS the product of Chuck Lorre’s mind) and I had no idea it was midnight until my next-door neighbors started counting down. At which point I sighed, ate another samosa from my enormous bag of Indian delivery, and vowed that STARTING TOMORROW I would get my life together.

            And I did! I now weigh 115 lbs, am in a stable, long-term romantic relationship, own an enormous but tasteful home in the Hollywood Hills and pull down about 500K weekly at a job that fulfils me creatively and intellectually. I knew 2012 was going to ROCK!

            But seriously, folks, I did make some resolutions which I’m still hopeful about, so I thought I’d share them and maybe they will inspire all my readers (all four of you!) to be more like me. Here they are (in no particular order, unless I think of one later):



1.     Stop eating like it’s Y2K. It’s not. It’s just the end of the world in December according to the Mayan calendar and my calendar is lunar. (Or Jewish? Roman?) And didn’t the White Man wipe out the vast majority of the Mayans years ago? Boy, were they off!

Vision Board Image: My new 2012 body, complete with 2012 tan.



2.     Exercise every day from now until the end of the world. So far, I’m off to a good start. I exercised yesterday AND today.

3.     Figure out how to regulate bowels so that they move EVERY DAY. Again, I’m two for two, and I think it’s because I’ve been highly caffeinated (or because of the Indian food). So…

4.     Remain highly caffeinated from now until the end of the world. Shouldn’t be hard.

Vision Board Image: Lots of money. And guns.


5.     Stop being mean. I haven’t seen anyone in a couple of days, so that hasn’t been hard. The real challenge will come on Wednesday when I go back to work. Fingers crossed!

6.     Write everyday. I didn’t write anything yesterday, but that didn’t count because it was a holiday. So starting today, I’m writing every day. 

Vision Board Image: Potential future home in Hollywood Hills.


7.     Figure out plan for the rest of my life. To this end, I’ve looked at several online universities and read a couple reviews of GRE prep books I'm thinking about buying. Done and done. I’m also thinking of re-purposing one of my bulletin boards into a vision board.

8.     Be grateful. I have a healthy body and a semi-functional brain, my family and friends are healthy, and it’s 80 degrees in Los Angeles today. That’s a good start, but I’ll think of more and add them to my vision board.



That’s all I’ve got for now, but I will be keeping you posted on my progress and/or new goals. And you can always help me avoid my inevitable fate (homelessness) by becoming an official follower of my blog! Wouldn't that make you feel good about yourself? It would certainly make me feel good about you. (And another thank you to those of you that already do follow--I love you sooooo much.)

Hooray for 2012!?

*Quote is courtesy of Charles Lamb, who was an 18th and 19th century English essayist and poet. And he was also insane!