Friday, November 11, 2011

"The desire to take medicine is perhaps the greatest feature which distinguishes man from animals."*

I used to think that everyone on Facebook was a raging alcoholic, but now I realize that most of us only allow our photos to be taken when we’re on drink number seven and it seems like a great idea. It must also seem like a great idea to pose with a drink in hand. (“Look at us! We’re having fun!”)

This probably also explains why everyone on Facebook always seems to be going to a wedding, or in a wedding, or the stars of a wedding (the “stars” being brides and grooms, etc). Both because there was obviously a paid photographer there and because they were probably drunk then, too. Also, when you’ve actually committed some time to dressing up, it’s always a good idea to take a picture. No one wants an album full of pictures of herself hungover, unwashed, and wearing crusty pajamas while watching reruns of Frasier. Or looking like I currently do—laying in bed on a sunny Friday afternoon with a rat’s nest on the back of my head that I can’t seem to unravel, snot-crusted toilet paper strewn all over the sheets, and a half-eaten bowl of soup on the nightstand. I’m sick (both literally and figuratively, it would appear).

It’s a good thing I’m able to type about how sick I am, because talking hurts my throat. And if you’re going to be sick there’s nothing better to do than talk about how sick you are, list your symptoms, complain really loudly about how shitty you feel, and use your heinous ailments to get out of doing stuff you really don’t feel like doing. And frankly, I really don’t feel like doing anything but eating and watching Lifetime movies. Which is no different than any other Friday, really.

Happy 11/11/11! The next time this date occurs, we’ll all be dead!

And for a giggle as well as a close approximation of how I look today, check this out. The Onion is the best.

*The title of this post is a quote taken from Canadian physician William Osler, thought to be one of the fathers of modern medicine. So he would know.

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