Thursday, May 31, 2012

"Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months."*

    It’s official: I am one of the greatest trendsetters of all time. I always suspected I was, so this feels really good.
    When I was about 13 or 14, I bought a pair of high-heeled tennis shoes before they were a thing (I swear). They looked like this:
Except mine were tan. Hot.
    But I also had a pair a lot like this:
These look awesome with flared jeans.
    And guess what? Everyone started wearing them, and I’m almost positive it was because of how awesome I made them look.
    And they’re back, and I think I want them again. This just shows that you should never throw away anything that was hot in the 80’s or 90’s. Ever. Because those decades were a cutting edge fashionista’s dream.
The modern take on high-heeled kicks. Da-yum. Ash Footwear.
     I don’t have the same confidence for new trends that I had in those wacky times. I pretty much have a uniform that I wear everyday because I don’t have the time or the energy to think outside the sartorial box. (I do have time and energy for TV and eating, but not for clothes. Sigh.) I've inadvertently turned into a jeans-and-a-t-shirt kind of gal sometime in the last 5-to-10 years. And if I’m not wearing that outfit, I’m probably wearing stretchy pants or pajamas.
   But once upon a time, I could be seen sporting an ankle-length, leopard print coat or a pair of plastic white clogs or pants with psychedelic patterns or jeans torn to the thigh and held together with safety pins.(Those pants, by the way, mysteriously disappeared sometime in the late nineties. I'm looking at you, Mom.)
    I don’t claim any of this was attractive or well thought out, but it was definitely "risky," and I really didn’t care whether anyone else enjoyed my ensemble. I felt fierce and unique. Maybe it was because for the vast majority of any given week I was wearing a uniform skirt that looked a lot like this:
Very close to the Duchesne Academy of the Sacred Heart Uniform. Hot.
    And while it was gross and uncomfortable and hideously ugly and fire-retardant (as was the one I wore for nine years before that), it turns out I kind of appreciate not having to figure out what I'm going to wear. I wear the same damn thing every day anyway. Maybe I'll go apply at the post office.
    So anyway, high-heeled sneakers are back in vogue and I’m so going to rock that look. Probably with a t-shirt and jeans. And maybe with my hair crimped. In a side ponytail. Held together with a banana clip.
*Oscar Wilde.

1 comment:

  1. Never had any fashion sense so I'll just follow your lead!!! suzy :D