Friday, December 9, 2011

"Ha ha funny how you broke me up, you made the wine now you drink the cup."*

Evil Woman Part IV
Here again I will relate the events of my trip to New York with the Satan Family (a wig-sporting, middle-aged "rock star" and his much younger wife, who also happened to be the devil) as I have spoken of here, here, and again here. Yikes! It's like a never-ending story! (But it does end because that trip was only two-weeks-long, even if it felt much, much longer, so never fear!)
On a separate topic: I think I suffer from a comma abuse problem. But I'll talk about that later.
From my Doogie Howser computer diary in 2009:

-In contrast to my excellent day yesterday, today was a big, fat snore. John and the band had the day off and he gave Lucia a car and driver to take her to all the neat places in Manhattan since her aunt had cancelled on her and she had nowhere to go and knows nothing about the city. She gets lost on her way to buy coffee in the morning (although she told me secretly that she does that on purpose so she can get a little extra time for herself—I think she’s a genius).

-So while she was off driving all over town looking at New York City, I was in a van parked on a side-street off Times Square with Giovanni, our driver for the afternoon, and a sleeping Sophie while John, Beth and Conor were inside Toys R Us. The van was better than being back inside the Toys R Us because that place made me want to hurl. But after 20 minutes, Giovanni saw John standing in the street looking for us. They all came rushing back to the car freaking out that Conor was sick and maybe he had the flu. Oh get over yourselves!
Where I went.

-Lucia had an excellent time—she went to Ground Zero, to Battery Park to take pictures of the Statue of Liberty, Intrepid Museum, Central Park, The Brooklyn Bridge, and Gray’s Papaya. John kept insisting that she eat a grilled hot dog at Gray’s (he’s from Queen’s, so he can be bossy about what one should do in NY) so she went and took a picture of herself there, then she and Jesse (her driver) went and ate a slice of pizza. Hilarious. And, I’m starting to realize, typically Lucia. I went out to get dinner for us and used the time to buy some stress cigarettes, smoke one of them and call my mom, so everyone was happy. Especially John who can't stop talking about how amazing it was of him to so generously offer Lucia the use of a car and driver for the day. He's a real saint-like human being. 
Where Lucia went.

-Tonight I saw John naked. I did not want to. Sophie was screaming and wouldn’t go to sleep and I wanted to tell Beth that I figured I’d just let her wail it out (and hopefully prevent Beth from coming into my room). I walked toward their room where the light was still on and the door still open and just as I rounded the corner, there he was. Wigless, butt-ass naked and talking on his cell phone.  I did an about face and scurried back down the hall. Thank god he didn’t see me. I’m mortified enough being the only one that knows about it. Moments later he came to the room and got Sophie himself. Then he brought her back, 20 minutes after that, sound asleep. Acted like he knew what he was doing and playing Daddy was something he was really super amazing at. Hey, try being an actual parent and doing it every night, jackass.

*"Evil Woman" by the Electric Light Orchestra.
Read Evil Woman Parts I, II, III and V.

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