"What are you giving me with the flying fish?"*

   This blog has evolved, in its own strange way, into something that is sort of amorphous and while I’d like to take credit for anything good that’s come of it (I’ve got a hobby!) and deny responsibility for all the shitty parts (lots of bad writing, offensive jokes, hideous art and incompetent photography), I still don’t really feel like I control it so much as it controls me.

   Take, for instance, the fact that I have nothing to say about anything today/tonight. It still hasn’t stopped me from drawing pictures of sea creatures and feeling like, because I’ve drawn them, I have to show them to you. (And what is my deal with sea creatures? If I could afford a therapist, I'd be all over that.)

This is a risque Octopus. (Her 8th leg is behind her. This is not a septopus.)

   It kind of freaks me out, my ever growing need for show-and-tell. It makes me think that maybe I’ve become even more of a narcissist, even more of an exhibitionist; and it’s not how I had intended things to go. On the other hand, I feel like I’m becoming more immune to the feedback I receive in a way that doesn’t make me seem like a super sensitive, whiny bitch. But then again…maybe I’m just becoming inured to criticism, which is scary because it puts me in a head space that can’t possibly be healthy.

And this is a flying fish.

   No, this post has no point. And yes, I’m sharing it anyway. I’m an American in 2013. If I don’t share this with you on the Interwebs, there’s definitely a chance that I don’t exist. But still…

   I like making these pictures and I like writing this blog.

   That’s all this was supposed to be about in the first place, if I remember correctly. Which I may not, since I have the memory of a goldfish.

*From Some Like it Hot (Billy Wilder, 1959).

"I feel like my whole life is wing night."*

    Today is my 7 month blog-aversary. Which makes this the longest relationship I've ever been in. Score!

    I haven’t been feeling very amused this week (not because I'm in a long-term relationship with my blog, just because). I’ve been sitting on my couch eating salted caramels, doing the crossword puzzle, and watching The X-Files this evening (and most of this afternoon). And all of those things make me feel kind of lazy and guilty. And the caramels make me feel like my teeth are rotting out of my face. But what I don’t feel is very funny. Or very much like writing.

    So I thought I’d share some things other people I admire and/or know have written. You can go look at their blogs and videos and be entertained until I get my sense of humor back. It’s around here somewhere, I just gotta find it.

    Here are things I like:

1. Army Wife Style
    I stumbled upon this blog (not actually via Stumble Upon, but just 'cause I was spending an inordinate amount of time surfing--the web, not the ocean) and I think it's hilarious. Now anyone who's read my blog knows that just because I find something funny doesn't mean it is funny (of course, I don't believe that but I had to put it out there), but this chick is such a hoot. I think technically she's supposed to have a lifestyle/mommy blog, but it's way more entertaining than that. Check out her list of "Stuff I Hate" to get an idea of what you're dealing with. Awesome.

2. Love is Like Egg
    And then there's my friend Suzy, who made some Jack Handy-esque videos on Funny or Die. They're super quick to watch and they're pretty awesomely funny. Here's one called Love is Like Egg. I wanted to upload the actual video onto the page so you didn't have to go anywhere, but I can't figure it out and my hands and brain are getting tired of trying.

3. My Buddy Patrick the Droll
    Pat has a blog that's good for chuckling. Seriously funny (I love that expression. Get it? Because it's an oxymoron! Like jumbo shrimp!). Anyway, this is it.

3.4. (I can't think today) Hyperbole and a Half
    One of my favorite humor blogs is Hyperbole and a Half, but Allie Brosh who writes/draws it is out of commission at the moment writing her soon-to-be-published book/dealing with heinous depression.

From Hyperbole and a Half. Allie Brosh's most recent post on being sad.

    Ah, yes, living the dream. It's the same story with every blogger. You start out with nothing. Then the fame sweeps you off your feet and everyone wants a piece of you but it doesn't matter 'cause you're on top of the world and nothing can bring you down. The next thing you know you've got a needle in your arm, your head in the toilet and a dead hooker in your hotel room. Blogging. It's dangerous, folks. Only the toughest survive. But seriously, Allie's website is truly incredible, so read all the archives until she comes back.

    And in the meantime, while you're cheating on me with other blogs, I'll keep sitting here and trying to think about what to write. But honestly, I'm just not feeling it this week. I might be back over the weekend, but I might also be busy sitting and staring at the floor.

*Quote courtesy of my bff, Emily. She gets it.

"I always wanted the reboot of Ghostbusters to be four girl-ghostbusters. Like, four normal, plucky women living in New York City searching for Mr. Right and trying to find jobs--but who also bust ghosts. I'm not an idiot, though."*

            I’m not always sure what this blog is supposed to be, so sometimes I have trouble knowing if I have to worry about veering off topic or coming across like an infomercial. All my life I’ve been way too concerned with what people will think of me, and my blog is no exception. But the beauty of my blog, I have to keep reminding myself, is that I can pretty much write about whatever I want. No one has to read it (though I desperately want people to not only read it but love it passionately and want everyone else to love it passionately with them. And maybe a little/enormous part of me wants people to love me passionately by default...). And I’m not holding a gun to anyone’s head, saying, “Listen, you! You better get amused right now or else!” So, I can write whatever I want and as long as it’s not totally depressing, I’m not guilty of false advertising or betraying my artistic integrity. Right? Right?

            Okay, so what’s this all leading up to? I want to do a shameless (and totally unsolicited and probably unnoticed) plug for a book.

            I just read Mindy Kaling’s book Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns). You probably know Mindy from her role as writer, producer and actress on The Office (she’s the insane and delightful Kelly Kapoor). The main reason I wanted to read her book is because I think she’s one of the best television writers around (and one whose work I can easily identify). This is no small feat since most staff writers for television get little to no credit on TV or imdb.com. And most of them are men. But anyway, I digress.

Mindy's book.

            I like reading books about people’s lives and their embarrassing stories and anecdotes and most deeply personal fuck-ups. I love David Sedaris, Sloane Crosley, Laurie Notaro and Angela Nissel. I just like the possibility that the personal essay as an art form has for me personally and the world at large. And Mindy’s stories come the closest to where I’ve ended up with these blogospheric shenanigans (word “blogospheric” made up right now by yours truly. Copyright 2012. Unless I go online and find out someone else had it first, at which point I will, yet again, shake my fist at the sky!).

Mindy as Kelly.

            In fact, when I read this book, I feel like she’s who I want to be. Perhaps more importantly, part of the reason I read the book is because she has the job I want: writer on a television show who also acts sometimes. And who is also incredibly adorable (I've always wanted to be adorable, but I think I'm actually somewhere between "not ugly"** and "cute.").

            Anyway, her book is so funny and insightful and witty that I thought I’d give it a little shout out here, on my blog, which is (obviously) all of these same things. She talks about things like what it’s like to be not skinny but not fat (yup), what friendship means (you have to listen to all of my drama), the difference between boys and men (age not being one of them) and most importantly (to me) what it’s like to be a writer for a hit TV series and how she got there. She has a lot of other unique perspectives on a plethora of other topics, but I’m trying to keep it simple here.

            You can read a few excerpts for free on Amazon.com (which is what I did, prior to purchasing, though I knew all along I’d buy it).

*The quote above is from Mindy’s book Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns), (Crown Archetype, 2011).

**My friend, Lucia, who you may have heard of in previous posts and whose first language, to be fair, is NOT English, once said to me, "You know, Lacey, you're not ugly. You're kind of pretty." It sounds worse than it was. When she said it, I laughed. But it does sting a little.